My First

For the past few years (or more) I have spent every Mother's day Sunday avoiding the young men who were handing out Mother's day gifts to all the women over the age of 18. At first it was because I was not even old enough to be a mother despite being in Relief Society. Then I started to avoid it because I so desperately wanted to be a mother and was not. Those last few years were hard. Mother's day was just a reminder of what I felt was already missing in my life. And then This happened:

Now Six months later I stare in awe and wonder at the mothers I have known in my life. I never appreciated my mother until I had a baby. Oh, I can say that I thought I appreciated my mom, but I had no clue. No clue at all what she went through for me. The week Cormac was born she was there for me. She sent me to bed and would hold my baby for me so I could get some sleep. She packed up our entire apartment by herself because Ammon had to work and I was too tired to do more than sit and stare in horror at the task before me. She fed us that whole week too. And then she helped me get moved in. She tirelessly scrubbed my nasty kitchen and helped me to get established enough in my dumpy home that I could at least somewhat function. And then she called often to make sure I was holding up and to offer moral support. What a woman. I wouldn't have made it those first few weeks without her.

But that isn't all. I look back over my life and am humbled by the mother that I had. And I want to know how on Earth she kept her house so clean. Cormac can't even crawl yet and I can't keep my house clean. I could go on, but it would get long fast. And really, I just want her to know that I love her and am so thankful for her. Especially these last few months. It is so comforting to call her up on the phone. She doesn't judge. She encourages me. She is the reason that I want to be a better mother, and she believes that I can be a better mother, and that's motivating.

I have also been blessed with an amazing mother-in-law. I'm always humbled by how much this woman can do and by how talented she is. I don't even want to think about holding up a measuring stick of myself to her. One of the things that I love most about this woman is how much her children love her. I love how much she loves her children and how much she adores her grandchildren. It touches me deeply how thrilled she is to see Cormac every time she does. What is even more special to me is the fact that she wants all of us to be happy. She knew that we struggled to have Cormac. After we had spent the weekend at her home with Cormac when he was 6 weeks old she told me that what she loved most was to see me with my son because she could see how much I adore him. I don't know why that means so much to me. But it does. She notices and she cares.

And at this moment I am thankful for the son she raised. Her children are all amazing in so many different ways. But I got the best.
At this moment Ammon is making me a special dinner. He won't let me help. He is spoiling me rotten. He is making me feel special. I can honestly say that I am a very blessed woman. This picture was the first time Ammon held his son. He adores him. He is so proud of him. We both are. And I am so thankful that Ammon and I get the gift of this little boy. This Mother's day I gladly accepted my little gift from the young men who were handing them out. I am a mother now. I am not perfect. I have so much to learn and such a long way to go. I mess up all the time. Poor Cormac. But I have wonderful examples to learn from. And no one could love this little boy more than I do.