Composition

Often at night when I find sleep slow in coming I start to create in my mind. This creating is unique. I have always wanted to be a writer, but have found that I lack the skill. At least I lack the talent when it comes to putting it into a permanent form of media. I can, however, and do create the most beautiful things in my mind. I often write essays, blogs, stories, letters, and anything else you can think of. But all of these are written in my head. I will waste hours in a day composing in my head. I am brilliant in my mind, or so I think. The words are all there. The prose flow together in agreeable ways. Everything is just perfect. 

Then I pick up a pen or sit down to write at my computer. You see, I've had this problem all my life. I have tried to keep notebooks by my bed so that when the thoughts start coming, I can start recording. But it never works out that well, because the thoughts stop once I start to get them out of my head on to something else. The thing that amazes me is how nights like tonight can turn into hours of composing something brilliant in my mind and then it goes, never to be heard or seen from again.

My father has always wanted me to be a writer. I suppose that I have been able to tell some of my random thoughts to people. Thus my father thinks that the talent is there. And I agree, I have something special going on inside my brain, but I don't think I can ever get it out beyond that.

I was thinking of the parable of the talents today. We are encouraged to take what we have been given and to develop those and learn more. I feel like this is a hard thing for some people to do. I think I fall into that category. I think my love of writing and wanting to create something beautiful is limited to my own brain. In that case, how do you take that and develop it further? 

I'm surrounded by talented and wonderful people. I wish I could clearly write my thoughts on them, because then you could see how truly talented and wonderful they are. When I get angry, I wish I could put the letters that I draft in my head down on paper so that people can see my indignation and understand it. When I get creative, I wish that I could record it so that others could enjoy. But for now, it all remains in my head. Like the purpose of this post. It is in my head. I can't find it right now because I'm typing, but the reason will occur to me later when I draft up a better version of what is written here. But you will never get to see that version. It will remain in my head.